The day Jamie died the police gave me a book, they said it contained the numbers of charities and organisations that deal with people and families that have been bereaved by suicide. And as soon as I was ready or needed them to contact them and they would be there.

Friends and Benefits

Being a single parent on benefits I had things I had to do and within a set time frame or I would face penalties. Without my friends helping me I still wouldn’t have them sorted now as I still can’t focus, think or work things out.

Lupus is Winning

When Jamie died I couldn’t have cared less about anything. And yes these are the bits that make me sound like an arsehole, but anyone and anything just wasn’t important.

Ruddis Retreat

Helen had once again gone above and beyond, she had nominated us to the Huddersfield based charity Ruddis Retreat.


The morning after the funeral I woke up and realised I had been focusing on it so intensely that I was pushing my emotions and how I felt to the back of my mind.

The Funeral

Making the decisions for the funeral was extremely difficult at times, I just wanted to do the best I could for Jamie as this was the last thing I would ever be able to do for him, it had to be right.

Jamie’s Back

My phone rang, Helen, my stomach sank, I knew I was expecting her call and I knew what the call was about. Jamie is back from the coroner and ready for me to go and see him.

The Decisions

I have never known how many decisions there were, and these for me felt like the most important decisions, the last decisions I would ever be making for Jamie, ever.

So Many Things at Once

The first few days after Jamie died are a crazy mix of people, places, things I had to decide, things I was being told, things I needed to know to make these decisions…and all I wanted to do was sit on his bed with the door closed shutting out the world and breathing in his teenage boy smell I was forever trying to clean out of his room but now was so desperate to keep in.

Back to top